I have often struggled with loneliness. I was frequently rejected and isolated in school and while those behaviours towards me have stopped, and I have made good friendships as an adult, the feelings of struggle and insecurity have continued. So what does the Bible say about loneliness? Can we learn lessons from Scripture about how to deal with loneliness?
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Unless otherwise stated the Scripture References are taken from the Christian Standard Bible and link to biblegateway.com. While referring to lots of different versions in my study, I generally use the CSB Study Bible for Women on kindle.
Why we feel lonely
We can feel lonely for a number of reasons. It may be that we feel left out, abandoned, and rejected or it may be due to changes in our circumstances. Perhaps we have suffered a loss and are grieving; we have moved to a new town where we don’t know anyone; we have a new job or have just retired; or the kids have left home.
But it is not always our circumstances that cause our feelings of loneliness.
You can feel lonely in any circumstance, at any age, even when you are surrounded by people, even when you are in a relationship, or when you have many friends and acquaintances. Loneliness is the soul feeling isolated from meaningful human connections, feeling misunderstood, out of place, etc.
The feeling of loneliness is more a battle of the mind. While we may need to make changes to our environment and relationships, changing our thinking will also make a difference.
Often, when we are feeling lonely, we can fill our minds with negative thoughts by telling ourselves that no one really likes us, no one else feels like this. Or, as one article I read said:
‘Assuming that everyone else around you are BFFs and have no need for additional friendships.’
That quote was a real challenge to me. When I moved to the area I live in now nearly ten years ago I would look at everyone and see that they already had friends – they didn’t need me, or so I thought.
Loneliness can play with our minds and make us believe that no one else feels like we do, everyone else is on the inside, and I am on the outside. But Katie challenges this lie with some great truths!
The reality is, most of us feel at least some sort of loneliness and feelings of being on the outside. It is one of Satan’s favorite tactics, especially within the church. Instead of spending our time reaching out to the lost, we stay huddled in the corner, obsessed with being included and being wounded by the inactions of others.
So, what does God have to say about all this? What does the Bible say about loneliness?
What does the Bible say about loneliness?
One of the first issues that God deals with in his Creation is loneliness. In Genesis 2:18a we see God recognise there is a problem: “It’s not good for the man [Adam] to be alone…”
Why did God think it was not good for him to be alone? We can find some answers in Ecclesiastes 4:8-10:
There is a person without a companion, without even a son or brother, and though there is no end to all his struggles, his eyes are still not content with riches. “Who am I struggling for,” he asks, “and depriving myself of good things?” This too is futile and a miserable task.
Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.
Companionship is better than riches. We want to share our successes with others, and have someone to lift us up when we fall.
We are designed to be in community with God and with one another. Perhaps that is why loneliness hits us the way it does.
God solved the problem of Adam being alone by providing him with a helper. (Genesis 2:18b) The Hebrew word for helper, ‘ezer, is used elsewhere in the Old Testament to describe God. Psalm 124:8 says ‘Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.’
After the fall Adam and Eve had a new loneliness to deal with: a spiritual loneliness as they were now separated from God. The devil loves to separate us from God, from each other, and fill our heads with thoughts of isolation and rejection, because he knows that loneliness will keep us from living the life God has planned for us.
But God continues to offer his help to us and to be with us forever. When Jesus spoke to his disciples about leaving them he told them that they would not be alone.
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever. John 14:16 ESV
Related: Bible Verses on God’s Love
God, Jesus and loneliness
When we look at the life of Jesus we see many examples of being alone and loneliness.
Jesus was not afraid to be alone. He often withdrew to lonely places to pray. (Matthew 14:13; Mark 1:35; Luke 4:42, 5:16)
It is good to have some moments of solitude so we can pray and reflect, but we should not isolate ourselves from others completely.
Jesus also knew the feelings of rejection.
They were prophesied in Isaiah 53:3: “He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”
And Jesus also prophesied in John 16:32. “Indeed, an hour is coming, and has come, when each of you will be scattered to his own home, and you will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.“
Jesus knew that when he was deserted by people he would still have God.
‘God is a God of relationship and community. That is evident in His very nature. He is the Trinity — three in one; God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit.’
But God was not always with Jesus. As he hung on the cross he felt the separation from God for the first time.
And at three Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lemá sabachtháni?” which is translated, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?” Mark 15:34
This is the cry of a lonely person. Jesus can identify with our feelings of loneliness because he experienced it.
(In his cry Jesus was quoting from Psalm 22, which contains many prophesies of Jesus’ crucifixion. The psalm begins with cries of loneliness but moves to hope and praise. It is a great psalm to read if you are lonely as it will give you comfort knowing God is with you and Jesus understands.)
Other Examples of loneliness in the Bible
Psalm 22 brings us to another example of loneliness in the Bible. David also knew what it was to be rejected and alone and often brought his thoughts to God in the psalms:
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am alone and afflicted. The distresses of my heart increase;
bring me out of my sufferings. Psalm 25:16-17
Look to the right and see: no one stands up for me; there is no refuge for me; no one cares about me. Psalm 142:4
Do not hide your face from me; do not turn your servant away in anger. You have been my helper;
do not leave me or abandon me, God of my salvation. Even if my father and mother abandon me,
the Lord cares for me. Psalm 27:9-10
In Psalm 38 David speaks of his loneliness due to sin: ‘My loved ones and friends stand back from my affliction, and my relatives stand at a distance’ (verse 11) and at the end of the psalm he cries out for God to not abandon him too: ‘Lord, do not abandon me; my God, do not be far from me. Hurry to help me, my Lord, my salvation.’ (verses 21-22).
In the New Testament we see that Paul also talks of God standing by him when others desert him.
At my first defense, no one stood by me, but everyone deserted me. May it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that I might fully preach the word and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. 2 Timothy 4:16-17
Complete the form below to download this list of verses to help you when you are feeling lonely.
God’s Answer to loneliness
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Connect with God
The first thing to do when you recognise you are struggling with feelings of loneliness is to turn to God. Pray to him about it and seek out Scriptures to help. Write out Bible verses and memorise them.
Prayer when lonely
The widow who is truly in need and left all alone has put her hope in God and continues night and day in her petitions and prayers. 1 Tim 5:5
Bible verses about Loneliness
Here are some verses to remind you that God is always with you.
Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff—they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
God in his holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless and a champion of widows.God provides homes for those who are deserted. He leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious live in a scorched land. Psalm 68:5-6
Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I live at the eastern horizon or settle at the western limits, even there your hand will lead me; Psalm 139:7-10
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
I will not leave you as orphans; I am coming to you. John 14:18
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children—and we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn’t know him. 1 John 3:1a
Related: How to trust God in times of doubt, sorrow and testing
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Connect with Christians
God’s second answer to loneliness is to connect with other Christians. Romans 12:5 and 1 Corinthians 12 and 26 tell us that we are all members of the body of Christ. By participating in church activities like small groups and serving in the church we feel a sense of belonging and fellowship with others, building relationships.
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Reach out to others
And finally, we should also reach out to other people, pray for them and get involved in our community. This not only helps us to connect with others but takes the focus off ourselves and our negative thinking.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Phil 2:3-4
what have we learned from what the Bible says about loneliness?
Well, this post has turned out to be a lot longer, and taken a lot longer, than I had expected! Let’s summaries what we have found as the answer to our question, ‘What does the Bible say about loneliness?’
- Being alone is not a sin, in fact it is good to be alone sometimes.
- Loneliness is more to do with out feelings and negative thoughts than our circumstances.
- Jesus understand what it is to be lonely.
- The Bible contains many verses that can help us with our loneliness; verses reassuring us that God is always with us.
- It is important to connect with other Christians and serve those in need.
- Seek God, and the council of others, if feelings of loneliness are overwhelming you.
I pray that these words have been a help and a comfort to you. Don’t forget to download your Bible verses on loneliness for future reflection.
